on the Ultraskull
Derek Headvoices tells you what to like
Brothers vs. Da Man” – Drape Variant with K.F.C.
Variant: very, very real
his latest Street-Opus, self-styled ‘Ghetto Guru’ and
‘People’s Preacher’ Danny Ford aka. Drape Variant
takes us complacent white middle-class honky motherfuckers on an
uncompromising tour of contemporary urban street life, exposing
the raw underbelly of blah blah socially excluded blah blah loyalty
and honour in the face of social deprivation blah blah blah underprivileged.
Having spent a week keeping it real with his bluds, Ford wakes up
to find that “due to a change in circumstances” he may
no longer be eligible for housing benefit. His skin crawling with
fear in a vicious come-down from a fourty-eight hour cocaine, sherry
and poppers binge, Ford characteristically builds what is ostensibly
a minor clerical formality –easily rectifiable through a simple
appeals procedure- into an insurmountable bureaucratic horror-show.
Irrationally convinced that he will be forcibly evicted from his
flat by ‘Da Man’, Ford burns all of his pornography
and hides under his mum’s bed.
”One World Drum Circle” – Gaia
funded “community” project whereby eight or nine ludicrously
attired, rat-headed idiots play African drums in a circle in a residential
street in Bristol, upsetting the local West Indian families they
are so keen to assimilate with.
“Midnight in the Pool of Barrymore” – Fists of
Fury: solemn, wistful
word recording by a man who came back from the dead after being
buggered senseless in a marathon three day cocaine orgy which resulted
in him floating face down in a swimming pool, his guts pumped to
bursting with a three pint cocktail of spit, piss and jism. Sprinkled
with magic dust by a Spotty Man from outer space, he returns to
ruminate upon the resulting tabloid frenzy of wildly hateful speculation
and pernicious homophobia. Music by M People.
“I Love You But I Have Chosen a Fourteen Year-Long Reverb
Chamber” – Carl Portent
wasting his time and ours
Portent began work on a fourteen year-long reverb chamber in 1996.
Now completed and stretching for several thousand miles, the echo
chamber is capable of generating a reverb time of fourteen years.
The sole song on this album details Portent’s ex-wife’s
reluctance to indulge his obsession. The song itself is only thirty-two
seconds long, but with reverb saturating the mix, the running time
is considerably greater. Due to technical limitations (the song
will take at least fourteen years to record and mix) this CD constitutes
only the first hour of the finished project. Subsequent CDs will
be released every hour for the next fourteen years, with a 122,640
disc boxed-set due for release in 2020. “I wanted to capture,
sonically, the emptiness of a Universe without God” explained
Portent, before shooting himself in the face with a crossbow.
for the Sky: The Best Aspirational Sports Rock Album in the World
Ever " (various artists)
the sky: dedication's all you need
compilation of morale-boosting rock anthems designed for team building,
group discipline and positive thinking exercises. Be your best with
Chesney Hawkes' "I Am the One and Only" on repeat play
as you endure four hours of gruelling circuit training under the
supervision of a humourless ex-military fitness instructor. Survivor's
'Eye of the Tiger' is the perfect Ipod companion to your morning
ritual of six raw eggs mixed with some orange juice and then jogging
for fucking ages around Philadelphia or whatever. Fretwork's postive
mental attitude classic "Hard (if you wanna be a winner you
gotta try really really)" will get you in just the right mindset
for beating the living shit out of innocent punters after drinking
ten cans of Red Bull when working the door at an inner-city nightclub.
Practising your menacing, officious, tightly-coiled-spring glare
in front of the bedroom mirror, straightening your tie, combing
what's left of your hair, fastening your bomber jacket up to your
fat fucking neck and spraying half a can of Lynx into your groin,
the heavily compressed guitar solo is perfectly synchronised to
your every movement, and you are the hero in the movie of your life.
Yeah. Fuck yeah. Destroy. Wotchoo lookin at you fackin cant? Oi.
Oi! You ya cant. watchoo lookin at? come 'ere you fuckin prick.
this issue was done by Nick Talbot,
Andrew Barkham, Anton Maiof
copyright aetas arcanum
except for a few pictures that we stole from random internet
Impenetrable Jukebox That's
Our Rita Stickman
& Greg William
Bennett From Whitehouse Snowman
Buggery Guncop The
Secret Order of the Brotherhood of the League of the Knights of the
Inner Circle The Young
Musician's Guide to the Music Industry Private
Shop: Cabin No.3